His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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