the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
