I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
