I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize