I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
