OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
