Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
