So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
