please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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