Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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