i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
