i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I had to cum in my sink.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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