and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
