two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
