But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
