Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize