I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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