i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
