just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize