Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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