feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My life is pants optional.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
