I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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