$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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