when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
