And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
