I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
