The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
