your thong is hanging out like whoa
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
