i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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