4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
