A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
