True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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