no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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