my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
