oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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