dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize