They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
