its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish life had little blips of pornography
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
