You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
