Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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