Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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