I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
