he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
