We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
