that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
