Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
