There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
