i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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