please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
