I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
