he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want to fling myself into the sun
that may or may not have been my penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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