a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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