i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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