So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
