I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
