I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's like iHOP with fire
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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