I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
