I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
