I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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