your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
