So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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