You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
