just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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