Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
