thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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