It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
how drunk are you?
Several
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
