Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
