you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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