I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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