I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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