Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
