i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
