Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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