if i died would you start the facebook group?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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