dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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