Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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