She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
