you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm both gender and math confused
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
