before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
