Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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