Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
