Soap is not a condiment
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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