Welp...herpes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
