Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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