That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im part way to drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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