Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
