I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
