The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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