He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
