Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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