yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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