My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
