Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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