Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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