I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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