Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize